Dear Corporate-style Charity

I am writing about the enormous calculator and tri-color pen you sent me in the mail. If you are relying on such a device, I suggest you re-check its functioning. Your calculations are clearly incorrect. You say my donation is worth triple the dollar amount I send, yet offer absolutely no evidence for this mathematically nonsensical claim.

A more realistic estimate is that perhaps half my donation will be used to support your good works. The rest will have to be spent on sending the next round of cheap bribes. I understand that giant corporate charities have to solicit funds in a dog-eat-dog world, and compete for diminishing dollars. But may I suggest that the race to flood potential donors with ever fancier plastic goods is far from an ideal solution? I for one resent your transparent attempts at manipulation, not to mention the waste of resources.

Still, since my mother taught me to be polite, courtesy is an ingrained habit, so I must thank you for the calculator and pen. But in these days when every phone and computer has a calculator function, just how many calculators does one household need? Also, has it not crossed your minds that people might donate freely instead of in exchange for "prizes"?

If you really must send "gifts," please refrain from sending more unwanted plastic clutter. Fresh flowers would be a lovely choice, or possibly chocolates. Even better, I'd love a small pet - perhaps a goldfish. But no, those ideas are all too impractical.

I have it! How about a rebate cheque for the money you refrained from spending on bits of plastic? Then you wouldn't be seen to be contributing to the garbage problem and wasting non-renewable energy. I doubt that I'm alone in my frustration at witnessing how as charities like yours work for their various causes, they contribute ever more irresponsibly to the tsunami of junk mail.

On receiving the calculator, I sent you a donation -- in spite of and not because of the bribes. Lest you think this letter is not serious, let me assure you that next time I receive a large package like the one that came yesterday, I will return it to you by the next post, sans donation.

Sending my best regards, and thanking you for your good work, I remain

a sadly misunderstood potential donor (but only if you quit with the bribes)

PS Today in the post, I received a nickel from a rival charity. They've promised to make my donation worth five times as much, because for every dollar I donate, a large life insurance company will donate enough to quadruple it.

Where will this end?

The Quiet Side of Passion, by Alexander McCall Smith

Alexander McCall Smith is always an inspiration. As well as many gentle jokes, each book contains something that shows his finger remains on the pulse of the times. Not to mention an inevitable surprise or two.

After responding to a summons from the incorrigibly pompous Professor Lettuce, Isabel meets a philosophy student and they get into a conversation about the removal of historic statues. This timely and intriguing topic relates to the recent removal of the Sir John A. Macdonald statue in Victoria and the heated public discussion that ensued. As usual, Isabel thinks deeply about various aspects of this thorny question, and opines that although letting a statue stand "says that at a particular time... somebody was admired sufficiently for a statue to to be erected," it gives no indication of how people feel about that person now.

Unwilling to risk quick and sloppy conclusions, she also points out that "You couldn't have a statue of Hitler in Berlin with a footnote at the bottom saying he was responsible for millions of deaths." As a virtual reader of the fictional Applied Review of Ethics that Isabel edits, I look forward to her proposed issue "on the taking down of statues."

I admire Isabel for her awareness of her privileged existence in "a parallel universe to that occupied by most of humanity...insulated from the economic realities that made life a struggle," while she enjoys "editing the philosophical observations of others" and a marriage full of "happiness and contentment." She has always imagined "The printed word, thousands upon thousands of printed words" that occupy her study have "kept it safe...from the enemies of reason." In this book, a surprising event (caused, as always by Isabel's powerful impulse to interfere) causes her to doubt this old belief.

I was fascinated by her interaction with Cat's latest lover. Isabel soon finds she has more in common with Leo than she first assumed. Cat likes boyfriends who are built, "not merely thrown together," and Leo is an attractively physical man. Yet Isabel soon discovers there is more to him than brawn and leonine good looks; they share the important knowledge that "you can't set everything right in this life." She even comes to admire Leo; while she only agonized, he took action to resolve a sticky situation. After another bout of thinking, she concludes that violence, when "wielded righteously," can sometimes act as a "disinfectant."

In a lighter vein, I got a great kick out of the idea that while people might "pursue their androgynous agenda with intimidating ruthlessness...men and women were different," which reminded me of a long-ago blog post I wrote here.

Other delightful lines included "crimes against musicality," and the mistranslated idiom "blue with envy," which in turn evokes the image "ochre with rage."

This author's books never fail to contain some observations of philosophical consolation in the face of life's difficulties. This time, he has Isabel raise the proposition that "love and compassion are the only balm" for what goes wrong in our individual and communal lives. We can remember and act and console ourselves with this simple idea, when inevitably and "irrespective of our intentions," the unexpected arises once more to challenge us.

Isabel also concludes, rightly and consolingly, that "one of the skills one had to develop in life was the ability to distinguish true absurdity from reality, which was not as easy as one might think."

The horoscope lady struggles on, along with the rest of us

Zodiac image from NewsNow

It's been awhile since my last update on the horoscope lady. Disclaimer: I'm not revealing her identity. Though her challenges may be very public, she'll retain her privacy.

This character assessment is based on the psychological principle called projection. These days, some call it mirror work: the flaws that annoy you in others are those you share. Fortunately, that goes for good points too.

Telltale words and phrases suggests the writer of our daily horoscope has yet to overcome her tendency to be disorganized. Her advice to readers reveals that she herself needs a whole year to devote to planning, putting things where she can find them, and developing a more structured routine. In this vein, she recommends taking on new responsibilities to "improve your life."

Her use of language points to the fact that she's still too easily led. An example of self-talk is "Stick to your boundaries," as is the warning not to settle for something that "doesn't sit right with you." She advises readers to stay in control, avoid the temptation to be a follower, and stop letting others confuse you or make you feel insecure. She warns too of the risk entailed by trying to fit in; acting out of obligation allows others to impose. This theme returns in the explicit warning against "letting others get involved in your business." Clearly the voice of experience.

Sadly, she's still a bit of a spendthrift, as revealed by her dire warnings against making "a financial mistake." This theme is repeated in the advice to save money rather than "buying something you don't need." A related flaw is attention-seeking behaviour, an unfortunate tendency to exaggerate in order to grab the spotlight. She castigates herself and her readers with the caution to "stick to the rules," and promises that patience and persistence will eventually result in "getting ahead."

Fortunately, her health is improving. While we see many exhortations to develop good long-term habits and avoid grabbing for immediate results, the old addictions seem to have abated. In her current phase, she's prepared to "embark on a new and healthier routine." Indeed, she states outright: "Take care of your health." To achieve improvement on the mental and emotional front, she also advises the reader to broaden awareness, gain perspective, and seek peace of mind.

It's heartwarming to see her taking her courage in both hands, inviting readers to embark on personal growth by trying "something new," and "exploring unfamiliar territory." It's also good to see her making relationships a priority, as evidenced by her willingness to help those who need her "without complaining." Touting the benefits of considering "what you can do for others," she also promotes the value of "living up to your promises," and hopes helping others will "bring good fortune."

On the whole, there's nothing wrong with the horoscope lady that the rest of us don't share. It's called the human condition. But it's nice to see her moving into more positive territory as she focuses on taking responsibility, building self-confidence and showing "strength and courage."

On the principle that what you see in others is what you are, I hold great hope that after years of struggling with self-control, money and relationship issues, this mysterious yet very public figure is moving into a more mature and satisfying phase of her life.

Phillips screwdriver inspired by eucalyptus seed?

 The unusual seed of the eucalyptus: could this have inspired the Phillips screwdriver?

Alexander McCall Smith's latest Scotland Street moves reader from laughter to contemplation

A Time for Love and Tartan re-introduces us to familiar characters who have moved on since we last met. The Danes having departed, Matthew and Elspeth once more need an au pair to help with the triplets.

The Duke of Johannesburg visits, and suggests his godson, an apparently perfect candidate, for the post. After all, there are "bags of male au pairs" these days. When the exhausted parents learning the young man loves cooking, flower arranging and rugby, they engage him at once.

Meanwhile, Olive, Pansy and Tofu stir up gossip about the trouble between Bertie's parents. His friend Ranald tries to soothe him with the assurance that God will deliver Tofu's comeuppance, when he "eventually gets hold of him."

In moments of delicious whimsy, we catch glimpses of Scandinavian noir, plainclothes nuns, half-opened bills, cheese wars between flatmates, and the dreaded "Glasgow kiss." Over coffee, Domenica and her friend Dilly recall a terrifying moment in the Uffizi Gallery when their friend came down with Stendhal syndrome, a condition that "occurs when you're exposed to too much great art." Poor Antonia "was positively foaming at the mouth and had to be carted off to the hospital."

In a bookstore, Matthew has a terrifying but hilarious run-in with his former school teacher that causes him to hide under his desk. Fortunately, this is resolved when he learns that she too has read Fifty Shades of Grey. Elspeth, who has been too busy with her three toddlers to explore the garden of their new home, suddenly finds she "could go out into the garden and simply smell the roses, if they had any."

Side by side with the humour, this writer's tales express his compassionate wisdom. Waiting to have coffee with Bruce, Pat contemplates the onset of invisibility that accompanies aging. "She was now twenty-five, the point at which eighteen- and nineteen-year-olds start to look through one. Invisibility for the young, of course, is a quality that grows slowly: by thirty, one is beginning to grow fainter; by forty, one is starting to disappear; and by fifty the metaphorical hill has been crossed and one is simply no longer there."

As always, sober themes underpin this delightful story. Angus contemplates the ineluctable passage of time as he recalls a friend of his youth, who once told him that "'just as I get used to something, the future comes and takes it away.'" Domenica has a moment of illumination that dispels her doubts about having married Angus, and gives him "a kiss of peace."

Sitting before the Board who will assess his application for promotion in the Department of Statistics, Stuart experiences his own moment of truth, recognizing with inescapable clarity that the bureaucrats have "lost the ability to appreciate truth, so blinded were they with appearance." This stunning revelation implies action, and Stuart takes a step into the unknown. Over a solitary lunch, he confronts the fact that "he simply did not believe in the utterances that they made their employees chant: the mission statements, the virtue signaling, the gobbledygook. Why should everybody believe the same thing, sign up to the same ideology?"

Matthew and the Duke have a conversation about the current rise of incivility, and the Duke quotes Hamish Henderson, who "believed that we should treat one another with gentleness and love," and be careful not to "disfigure ourselves with hatred." We unleash the forces of incivility "at our peril," says the Duke. "Nobody is above it, and we are just as vulnerable as anybody else."

Creative Scotland has brought two Pygmies (now renamed Forest People) to visit the country, and anthropologist Domenica is asked to help host them. With Dilly's assistance, she prepares a lunch for the visitors. When they arrive, it transpires that they speak neither English, French nor Swahili. This leaves their hostess stumped for conversation as she seats the guests and gives them lemonade.

Then she recalls a word she learned from the Baka people of the Congo, and tells Dilly, "They had a word for the spirit of the forest in which they lived: Jengi." The visitors are electrified, their eyes shining as the man points out the window at the trees in Drummond Place, then gazes back at his hosts "with an ineffable sadness." As Domenica has already told her friend, "their forests are being cut down and they're being relegated to so-called settlements," where "The canopies above their heads will be concrete." And she wants to cry "for the loss of so many of the things that had made the world a richly-textured place: for community, and local culture, and the forests, and the people who lived in them; because now all that was going, swept away, consumed, cut down, taken away."

Glimmering behind these sober themes, the delightfully local atmosphere of Scotland is always visible. The Scottish team shuts out New Zealand in a celebrated rugby match, Angus Lordie hosts a party where he declaims a poem, and the Duke drives himself in his "Belgian" car, as his driver is "off somewhere speaking Gaelic."

Write with JJ Lee September 12 in downtown Vancouver

Canadian Authors -- Metro Vancouver hosts the noted memoirist JJ Lee for a writing workshop, followed by Q & A with JJ. No pre-registration required -- just bring paper and come prepared to write. The event takes place September 12, at 7 pm at the Alliance for Arts and Culture in Vancouver.

Former CBC radio journalist JJ Lee is the Non-fiction Mentor at The Writers Studio SFU. Now working on a second memoir, he'll share his technique for uncovering memories you didn't know you'd forgotten. We'll be working on paper, using JJ's exercise sheet.

Expect to surprise yourself with what you come up with. It's going to be amazing.

Monia Mazigh and daughter Baraa read at Kogawa House

Last evening Historic Joy Kogawa House hosted a reading featuring current Writer-in-residence Monia Mazigh (left) and her poetic daughter. Dr. Mazigh read from her fiction, and from the memoir Hope and Despair, which describes the shocking arrest of her husband Maher Arar, his imprisonment in Syria, and her efforts to clear his name.

Baraa Azar discovered spoken word poetry at Carleton University. "A poem begins as a lump in the throat," she began, continuing, "This poem is not about politics, but about people;" it "transcends caste, color, and religion." Another spoken poem juxtaposed two historic events that took place in 1776. As Jefferson penned The Declaration of Independence, a slave fort was built in Africa. Slaves dropped through the door of no return, and "bare feet wrinkled the sand for the last time."

Baraa's poignant meditation on home ended: "My polaroid picture of home is fading on the back of my eyelids."

Surrounded by lit candles as evening fell, an appreciative audience listened to the work of this remarkable mother and daughter in Kogawa House garden.

Afterwards, we chatted over refreshments that included cherry juice and Monia Mazigh's homemade cake.

Having heard the author read from her novel Hope has Two Daughters, I came away with a copy of this book, which takes place in Canada and Tunisia.

Left: Short story writer Cynthia Flood, Baraa Azar and others relax in the garden.

Seasonal shift now in sight

Altered angles of light and different plants to enjoy are harbingers of autumn. The weather continues warm, no longer hot, with the expectation of rain in a few days.

Left, slanting September afternoon light transforms a coleus into red velvet at the VanDusen Garden. Below, a pineapple ripens in a pot at 99 Nursery in Surrey.