Severe pant droop

Image from The Boston Globe

A recent article in the Boston Globe reports a TV ad campaign against falling-down pants.

Fashion trends can be hard to understand, and this one certainly is. I've often wondered how wearers ensure their pants won't fall down entirely. I've never seen any of these slaves of fashion hitch up his pants. Unless they do it surreptitiously.

On an escalator the other day, when I found myself behind a man with extreme trouser droop, I passed him on the left and moved on up. I didn't want to be there when his pants fell down. I had fears about watching him trip over them. In my nightmare vision, the man fell senseless on the deck and his fallen pants were then ingested by the escalator, bringing it to a grinding halt and causing more people to fall on top of the original victim.

Think it couldn't happen? According to the New York Times, there's already been a case of death by dropping pants. A gunman fleeing a murder scene tripped over his fallen pants and fell down a fire escape to his death.

Then again, maybe the more devious fashion slaves have a secret system to secure the pants in place. Believe it or not, a guy in Harlem developed a contraption like a garter belt that holds the pants up while making them look like they're about to fall. Amazing, isn't it?

In June, Wildwood, New Jersey banned saggy pants. In other jurisdictions, such laws have been struck down as unconstitutional. In Suite 101, Jeff Stanglin speaks against such laws in strong terms, terming them "fascistic."

Meanwhile, Justin Bieber follows the leaders and the followers blindly follow him.

If fans keep following him long enough, they might be rewarded with a pair of his pants -- to sell for a bundle or keep as a souvenir. That's because Justin looks to be in grave danger of walking right out of those pants.

Unless, of course, he's wearing a garter belt.

Which the simian posture suggests he's not.